This is purely my point of view about love and this is not about any individual.
I have heard many people saying that they love someone unconditionally, later after some time I see things not working in the relationship. I always wondered is it possible to love someone unconditionally? If so how is it possible?
Based on my past I just looked at what is my experience of love. I found that it is a certain emotions that is experienced within me which is stimulated by a specific person at a specified time. When I looked deeper I have been in 3 relationships, at different phases of my life this was stimulated by 3 different girls.
Also, I found that it is not so filmy as the flowers are blooming just for me, the birds are singing for me and so on. The emotions triggered was so exuberant I felt that all this was happening to me, but in reality it happens every day. Let the fun be there, I won't talk much about that. But the bottom line is these emotions are happening within me.
Now I see this is certain sweet emotions which are triggered by someone. It's like using a person as a key to open the experience within me. This leads to my next question is there a lock there so that I need a key to unlock it? It may be just illusion telling I need another person to trigger these emotions, whereas I can do it myself.
I think it is possible to have these emotions within me without any external influences. Like I wake up every morning and I filled with joy, energy, exuberance, love by myself. I don't need anyone to stimulate me. I am not telling having experienced these emotions by the influence another person is wrong, but in this case we will be dependent on the other person and after some time we try to extract happiness from the other person and that is even the other person feels suffocating as the focus is on ourselves.
On the other hand just imagine that you are the source of the joy, love, happiness, experience in your life, later share it people around you. I can be with a person in 2 ways. 1 I want to extract something from the person. 2 I want to share something with the person. Which will work? I say the second case is more powerful and strong.
I see that most relationships fail because we see that the other person is the source of it. But I say joy or misery I am the source of it. Now ask yourself what kind of person you should be.
I would share an incident here. Being a trainer, I interact with people a lot. There was this couple who came to me one day and said, sir we have decided to marry. We want to inform you we believe you are 1 person who always guides us.
I called the boy aside and asked why do you want to marry this girl? He said "Sir, she's very beautiful, her father is very rich and she loves me very much and I believe I will get great happiness from her".
Now I called the girl aside and asked who do you want to marry him?
She said "Sir, he has a very promising career, he is very handsome and dashing, and he takes care of me like no one does."
I then got both together and said look both of you wish to marry the other for your own happiness, not for the happiness of the other. And the moment your happiness is effected or lessened, the love will reduce. I have heard people telling that I don't feel any love for my spouse any longer, I don't know what has happened. I am just waiting for the love to come back. But they never realize that love is not a feeling. Love is a verb. It is something that we do. And that is the key to a successful relationship. If you really want to marry and have a strong relationship, learn to have more selfless.
Now those words make more sense to me. Always in our thoughts revolve around the expectation of this return, reward and reciprocation. How about we drop this in our relationships, first let is understand and they look at being understood.
I see relationships like a deck of cards. It begins with hearts and diamonds, ends with clubs and spades. Love is more than the often used 3 magical words "I LOVE YOU" love more than those sentiments and touches. Love is less about romance and more about respect. Love is less about my rights and more about responsibilities. Love is a great blend of caring and daring. Love is just like a rose, beautiful with its color and fragrance but also coming along with thorns.
Let's create a relationship with strong foundation and not like love at first sight and divorced first fight
Darshan S, is a Life coach and trainer. To know more about him you can reach out on