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Let Go! But How?

Published: Jul 17th, 2023 11:58 pmBy Daisy Varun

"There are only three things you need to let go of judging, controlling, and being right. Release these three and you will have the whole mind and twinkly heart of a child." ~ Hugh Prather (The Little Book of Letting Go)

Ah! Easier said than done! Any therapist worth their training will vouch that these are the only three things that are at the root of all issues that they uncover in the therapy room.

So, how do we 'let go'?

Let's begin with 'judging'. Judging is a natural human tendency. We are DNA'ed for it! Even to walk a few steps without falling we need to judge the level of the ground, the smoothness of the surface, the weight of our footwear, the sole or heel of our shoes, the speed with which we walk, the crowd around us and so many other factors. It all happens so subconsciously that we don't realise it. We are judging. Constantly. Period!

So where is the problem?

The problem lies in the quick labeling that we tend to do. Good-bad-right-wrong-ugly-beautiful etc. The list is endless. So much so, that the word 'judging' has acquired a negative connotation. On a good day, we will perhaps call it 'discernment'.

This tendency to label leads to biases, which in turn produce insecurities of various kinds, which in turn precipitate as fear. Control stems from fear. And unless we prove 'to be right' in our 'judgment', we cannot 'control' the other. There we go!

So how do we let go of these three things?

There is no formula. No shortcut. No specific answer.


Awareness is the key!

How to become aware? Let's see if we can break it down into bitable chunks.

1. Observe: Begin by observing how your judgment impacts your thoughts, emotions, behavior and decisions.

2. Challenge assumptions: Recognize that judgments are often based on assumptions and limited perspectives. Questioning our assumptions and considering other possibilities can help in developing a deeper awareness.

3. Develop empathy: Cultivate a genuine curiosity about others. Ask questions from a place of genuine intent. Promote dialogue. Seek understanding without jumping to conclusions. Hold your verdict!

4. Practice Appreciation: Shift your focus towards recognizing and appreciating the positive aspects of people, situations, and events.

5. Practice compassion: Remember that letting go of judgment is a process, and it takes time and practice. Treat yourself and others with patience and understanding as you work on 'letting go'.

Of course, one can read more, or consult a coach or a therapist if any further clarity is needed. Deeper the issue, stronger the support required.

Happy practicing!

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