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Self-talk to Set Yourself Free and Become More Assertive

Published: Jun 19th, 2022 04:12 pmBy Sasmita Maurya

Assertiveness Skill [Part 1]

"Ever since I have done some assertiveness training, my life is measurably better... I am a better team member, more effective at work... "

How do I become assertive? This question bothers many of us. We often fail to behave assertively while communicating at work or in our personal life because we worry about what might happen if we speak 'this' or do not do 'that'.


"...if I say that, she may get upset....", "...if I do not take up the project, he may feel hurt...". Have such thoughts ever crossed your mind? Such thoughts act as barriers to assertive behaviour; we can push these aside by self-talk.


Assertiveness means taking responsibility for your behaviour. What actions do you accept? How do you feel about saying 'No'? Being assertive is different from being aggressive or passive, which means standing up for yourself and being more self-confident. Aggression involves belittling others, winning at any cost, ignoring the wishes of others, losing your temper, and being selfish. Passive behaviour involves trying to please others all the time, never ever saying 'No' to anyone, being apologetic for your actions (all the time), assuming that others are always right and you are always wrong and hiding your feelings most of the time. Does any of these actions or feelings appear familiar? The good news is that your behaviour can change, if you want to.

Being assertive is a skill which can be learned. To begin with, try doing self-talk to be aware of how your irrational beliefs are holding you back and identify areas of your negative attitude to change those into rational beliefs.


Five questions to ask yourself:

  1. Do I believe that if I act assertively at work, the only outcome will be unpleasantness, negativity and even harmful?
  2. Am I being rational or should I consider some alternative outcomes?
  3. Do I act passive or aggressive because I cannot handle any disagreeable or problematic response?
  4. Do I feel that acting assertively is not a soft option? Do I like to stay away from situations that can be mentally demanding or emotionally exhausting?
  5. Am I being rational or is there some other way of managing challenging situations?


Some circumstances demand that you either be aggressive or submissive. But, assertive behaviour entails some amount of risk-taking. You have to learn to deal with aggressive and passive behaviour in others. You have to learn to say 'No' and how to give and take criticisms. Follow me as I will keep sharing some tips and tricks to develop your assertiveness skills.


How assertive are you now? Take this self-analysis test.

How can you make decisions quickly and effectively? Watch this video.

Contact us for online or offline training at [email protected] Visit my website to connect and know more about our services.

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